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THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING
We are the pirates, we don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything"

But I've never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St.Louie or St.Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're the pirates, we don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything"

And I've never hoist the main sail
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veered starboard, 'cause I've never sailed at all
And I've never walked the gang plank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything"

Oh, I've never plucked a rooster
And I am not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed pertaters up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I have never been to Boston in the fall

Pirate captain's log 2002
Who be this band Relient K
And why they be so full of contradictions?

We don't know what he did
But we're down with Captain Kid
We don't wake up before lunch
But we all eat Captain Crunch
We don't smoke, we don't chew
We watch Captain Kangaroo

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything"

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything"
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